Mmmm . . . open-faced club sand wedge . . .

There’s a horrible moment that comes with watching golf these days _ particularly if you’re a man _ when you realize, horror-stricken, that you have an awful lot in common with that guy they’re making fun of on TV.

Whether it’s a goofball cartoon dad with stupidity of satirical proportions, a bow-legged investment banker with a swing like a cardboard box or Ray Romano, it’s always uncomfortable when something on the tube makes you blush.

For me, it’s the latest round of FootJoy ads. [photopress:FJ_Classics_Tour_1.jpg,full,alignleft]
I don’t have a three-piece mauve-and-lavender ensemble for the golf course, but I definitely feel a kinship with Ian Poulter when, in one commercial, he sneaks past his wife, a shoebox tucked under his arm.

She catches him staring lovingly at his newly acquired custom MyJoys, giving him a look like she’s just caught a 13-year-old entertaining himself in the bathroom.

He looks ashamed for a moment, then quietly reaches down to re-acquire the shoe, and with a guilty smile, compares the shade to his pants of purple plaid.

I never buy shoes to match a particular outfit _ well, almost never _ but I know what it’s like to surreptitiously smuggle ill-gotten (read: paid-for) golf gear into the safety of my basement office.

As a result, I can also relate to Zach Johnson, who stars in the other current FootJoy instalment – trying to locate the all-white DryJoys in a garage wall of shoeboxes that puts Sam Walton to shame.

He, of course, can’t find the stupid things without his wife’s help. “Look on the chart,” she offers. “I can’t find the chart,” he whines.

Finally, she calls out the precise location. “Thank you,” Zach meekly replies.

I don’t have a golf-shoe power wall in my garage _ I don’t have a garage _ but I do feel like I have more golf shoes than I ought to. But everyone knows they last longer if you rotate through several pairs, right?

Right?

I noticed in Golf Digest’s annual Hot List issue of a month or two ago that editor Jerry Tarde advises settling on a set of wedges, then buying several of each. Never practice with your gamer, for fear of premature wear and tear.

Hmmm. I like that logic. Now, how to get them into the basement . . .